THE NEWSPEAK DECODER

What they say: "We use Agile methodology for rapid iteration and flexibility."

What they mean: "We have no plan, constantly changing requirements, and you'll work weekends to hit arbitrary sprint commitments."

Usage: "Our agile approach allows us to pivot quickly!" = "We don't know what we're doing and you'll pay the price."

What they say: "You can use admin time for non-billable tasks."

What they mean: "Here's a bucket for the hours we don't pay you for but still extract from you. Also, we'll judge you for using it."

CLF Note: Maximize this category. Everything is admin if you squint.

What they say: "Let's schedule an alignment session with stakeholders."

What they mean: "A meeting that could've been an email, designed to create the illusion of collaboration while wasting everyone's time."

Related Terms: Sync, Touch Base, Circle Back

What they say: "You'll be on the bench until we find your next project."

What they mean: "We can't bill your hours right now, so you're worthless to us. Find a project or we'll fire you. Also, you're still expected to work 40 hours doing 'business development.'"

Horror Factor: EXISTENTIAL THREAT

What they say: "Time spent on client work that we can invoice."

What they mean: "The only hours that matter. The metric by which we judge your worth as a human being. Your entire existence distilled into six-minute increments."

Antonym: Non-billable hours (worthless time spent breathing, existing, or maintaining your humanity)

What they say: "We encourage BD activities to grow client relationships."

What they mean: "Unpaid sales work we expect you to do. If it doesn't result in new contracts, we'll blame you. If it does, partners get the credit and commission."

CLF Tactic: Log maximum allowable BD hours. Coffee with a friend = networking.

What they say: "Your chargeability percentage reflects project allocation efficiency."

What they mean: "The percentage of your mortal existence we successfully convert into profit. Target: ≥85%. Below this, you're a liability. Above this, you're a cash cow. Either way, you're livestock."

PRIMARY OPPRESSION METRIC

What they say: "Let me circle back on that."

What they mean: "I'm not going to do this. I'm hoping you forget you asked. If you follow up, I'll use this phrase again. It's circles all the way down."

Related: Let's table this, Put a pin in it, Revisit later

What they say: "This is a client-facing role with high visibility."

What they mean: "You'll work insane hours because clients can see you. Appearances matter more than results. Every email is theater."

Opposite: Internal role (equally hard work, zero credit)

What they say: "We value collaboration and teamwork."

What they mean: "Your work will be interrupted constantly by meetings. Decision-making requires 12 people. Individual achievement is suspicious."

Reality: More collaboration = less actual work = longer hours to compensate

What they say: "We have core hours from 10am-3pm, flexible schedule otherwise."

What they mean: "You must be available 10am-3pm. Also 9am-10am for prep. Also 3pm-6pm to finish work. Also evenings for client calls. Also weekends during crunch. Flexibility!"

What they say: "We're looking for someone who's a good culture fit."

What they mean: "We want someone who won't question our bullshit, will work unpaid overtime without complaint, and drinks our Kool-Aid enthusiastically."

Red Flag Meter: 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

What they say: "What are the key deliverables for this sprint?"

What they mean: "Tangible output we can point to in order to justify billing the client. Quality irrelevant, just need something with the right number of pages/charts."

What they say: "We're implementing efficiency improvements."

What they mean: "We're cutting headcount. Remaining employees will do 2-3 people's jobs for the same pay. This is progress."

CLF Reminder: Your efficiency is their profit. Slow down.

What they say: "We're a fast-paced environment for high achievers."

What they mean: "Chaos. Disorganization. Constant firefighting. No work-life balance. Burnout in 18 months guaranteed."

Job Posting Translation: RUN AWAY

What they say: "I have some feedback for you."

What they mean: "Criticism disguised as development opportunity. You did something wrong but we'll frame it as growth. Real feedback (we're paying you too much) is never spoken."

What they say: "We offer flexible scheduling!"

What they mean: "You can choose which 60 hours per week you work. Flexibility is for us (calling you at 9pm), not you (leaving at 5pm)."

What they say: "We need 2.5 FTEs for this project."

What they mean: "Humans measured in decimal fractions. Not people—interchangeable units of labor. You are 1.0 FTE of biological resource."

Dehumanization Level: MAXIMUM

What they say: "You're a high performer!"

What they mean: "You work 70 hours/week without complaining. We'll give you more work as a reward. Your compensation won't change. Please don't burn out before we can extract maximum value."

What they say: "Let's leverage our synergies to maximize value."

What they mean: Literally nothing. Pure linguistic noise. The speaker is either an MBA or a management consultant (same thing).

Bullshit Density: 97%

What they say: "Let's focus on low-hanging fruit first."

What they mean: "Easy wins that let us claim progress while avoiding actual hard problems. Also, mixed metaphor: fruit doesn't hang from organizational trees."

What they say: "This is a great opportunity for growth!"

What they mean: "More work, same pay. Possibly a lateral move disguised as promotion. We're excited about the opportunity (to exploit you further)."

Reality: Actual opportunities don't need to be sold this hard.

What they say: "We're looking for passionate team members!"

What they mean: "We pay below market rate. 'Passion' is how we justify it. Also, please work unpaid overtime because you're 'passionate.'"

Red Flag: Inverse relationship between "passion" mentions and actual compensation.

What they say: "We're putting you on a PIP to support your development."

What they mean: "You're fired, but we need documentation for legal. This is a 90-day formality. Start job hunting immediately. You will not survive this."

Survival Rate: ~5%

What they say: "Our realization rate is only 73%."

What they mean: "The percentage of your logged hours we successfully billed to clients. You worked 100 hours, client only paid for 73. We blame you for the 27 'lost' hours."

Game: Heads we win (bill all hours), tails you lose (write-offs are your fault)

What they say: "We need to allocate resources to this project."

What they mean: "Humans. We mean humans. But calling you 'resources' helps us forget you have families, health issues, and finite lifespans."

Dehumanization Score: 9/10

What they say: "We're rightsizing the organization."

What they mean: "Mass layoffs. But 'rightsizing' sounds strategic instead of cruel. Implies current size is 'wrong.' Your job is wrong. You're wrong. Goodbye."

Euphemism Level: Orwellian

What they say: "We need to manage stakeholder expectations."

What they mean: "People who can say 'no' and kill your project. Must be appeased with meetings, PowerPoints, and emotional labor regardless of their actual value-add."

What they say: "This is a strategic initiative."

What they mean: "I don't know what this is or why we're doing it, but calling it 'strategic' makes it sound important."

Actual Strategy: Rare. Usually absent.

What they say: "We'll create synergies through cross-functional collaboration."

What they mean: [This word has no meaning. It's a verbal tic of MBA-infected managers. Ignore it.]

Bullshit Coefficient: 1.0 (pure bullshit)

What they say: "This is a T&M contract."

What they mean: "Client pays for every hour you log. Your utilization is critical. Pad those hours. Bill everything. If you're efficient, you've failed—we make less money."

Perverse Incentive: Slowness is profitability

What they say: "Let's touch base on this."

What they mean: "I want to interrupt your work with a meeting that could be an email. I need to feel important."

CLF Tactic: "Happy to discuss via email!" (works 60% of the time)

What they say: "We offer unlimited PTO!"

What they mean: "No PTO accrual = no payout when you leave. Also, peer pressure ensures you take less vacation than with traditional PTO. We save money, you work more. Everyone wins! (We win.)"

Average PTO Taken: Less than traditional 3-week plans

What they say: "Your utilization target is 85%."

What they mean: "The percentage of your waking life we demand you spend generating profit for partners/shareholders. 85% = 1700+ billable hours/year = every moment commodified."

CORE OPPRESSION MECHANISM

CLF Position: This is the enemy. This is what we resist.

What they say: "What's the value-add of this activity?"

What they mean: "Justify your existence in terms of profit generation. Anything that doesn't immediately create revenue is suspect. Your humanity is not value-add."

What they say: "You need more visibility with leadership."

What they mean: "Actual work doesn't matter. Performance theater does. Send more emails. Attend more meetings. Be seen. Substance is optional."

What they say: "You'll be wearing multiple hats in this role."

What they mean: "We're understaffed. You'll do 3 people's jobs for 1 person's salary. Also we'll call it 'professional development.'"

Reality: Eventually all the hats fall off because you can't balance them while drowning.

What they say: "We support work-life balance!"

What they mean: "We acknowledge work-life balance exists conceptually. Implementation TBD. Please don't sue us for burnout."

Red Flag Test: If they mention it unprompted, they don't have it.

What they say: "We had to write down 10 hours from your timesheet."

What they mean: "Client refused to pay for some hours you worked. We're blaming you. Impacts your realization rate. Might affect your review. You still worked those hours. We just don't value them."

Injustice Level: EXTREME

"We're a family here"

Translation: We expect unconditional loyalty and unpaid emotional labor. Actual families have inheritance. You get nothing.

"We're looking for someone who can hit the ground running"

Translation: No training. No onboarding. No support. Figure it out or fail. We're understaffed and you'll fix that immediately.

"Think outside the box"

Translation: Be creative! But not too creative. Stay within brand guidelines. Don't actually challenge anything. The box is fine. Stay in the box.

"Let's take this offline"

Translation: You've raised an uncomfortable point I don't want to address publicly. I'll privately tell you to drop it.

"I'll need you to be a team player on this"

Translation: Do something unethical/unreasonable. Refusing makes you "not a team player." Compliance is mandatory.

"Let's put our best foot forward"

Translation: Lie. Exaggerate. Create illusions. Client presentation = fantasy time.

"This is a career-defining opportunity"

Translation: High risk, high visibility, likely to fail. We need someone to blame. Congratulations, it's you.

"We need to be more efficient with our time"

Translation: Same work, less time, no additional resources. Magic yourself into higher productivity or else.

"I'm going to be transparent with you"

Translation: I'm about to lie, but prefacing it with "transparent" provides plausible deniability.

"We're all in this together"

Translation: You're about to take a pay cut / lose benefits / work more hours. Executives will be fine.